Work, work, work… with Rita Andreeva

Further Adventures in the Near-Room

Some Tenants Just Have to Go

Editor’s Note: The further adventures of our aging artist Rita, as she struggles to make ends meet in various ways, while continuing to work. If you would like to read some of Rita’s plays, just click on the Rita’s Plays link to the right. They are every bit as eventful as her life.

“My current roommate J.B. is a paranoid schizophrenic. He believes that there is a Jewish conspiracy to take over the world.
The other day I came home and he said that someone opened a little cover on the back of his computer to try to get to the hard drive. For some reason the cover wasn’t put back neatly. J.B. immediately assumed that I did that. He said, “It would make perfect sense, that you would accept a $500 payment from the Jews to let them inside the apartment to mess with my computer while I was in the shower!” You see, he takes his laptop with him when he goes out, and when he sleeps, he locks the door from the inside, so the only time someone could have messed with his computer is when he was in the shower, which happens at about 3 am. Now he takes his laptop into the bathroom when he goes to take a shower.
Hey, if anyone knows any Jews who’d pay $500 to spy on my roommate, please let me know! I wasn’t aware there was that much money in it. He says he has a lot of information about how Jews caused 911. I asked him, “Didn’t you get all that ‘information’ off internet?” He said, “Yes, but…” And I said, “So you know nothing, in other words, other than what everyone has access to…” But he kept insisting that Jews would still want to get to his computer, if anything, because they hate him and want him to eat shit and die.

 

Anyway, I gave J.B. a 2-week notice, at which he went into a tirade that he is going to sue me for a million, because I was spying on him, and that 2-week notice isn’t legal, that it has to be a month’s notice, and that he wants to see my bank statements to see if there is a payment from the Jews… The thing is, the notice is up to the day that he paid. Then I added that in case he needs an extension he can pay me $20 per day in cash after that date. To which he threatened to sue again, because how dare I ask for more money. So I said, “It’s more money to compensate me for all this drama dealing with you,” and, “Seriously, you think I’m a spy and a mean person, so why on earth would you want to live here?”
He said, “I don’t, but I have a problem finding a place…”
Obviously, anywhere he goes people want to kick him out after a short time.

 

Hello, any Jews out there who want to spy on my roommate for $500? Please let me know.”  – Rita

Photo by Carl Nelson

 

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