BERT and CLAUDE have planned an 85th birthday party for their man-crazy mother, BERNICE.  But BERNICE supplies the surprise by bringing HERB BOTTLEMAN, an elderly womanizer she picked up at the airport.  When HERB ends up preferring BERT’S trophy wife JACKIE to BERNICE, the raging BERNICE suffers a heart attack and dies.

In the second act, JACKIE’S insistence that BERNICE be buried in her cream outfit, forces BERNICE to come down from heaven to make sure she is buried in her “red dress with happy hooker heels”.  HERB, all the while, continues to pursue JACKIE.  And BERT gets so angry he decides to bury BERNICE in her underwear.  It takes all CLAUDE’S gumption and his psychiatrist’s (DR. PERHL) wisdom to get this family back together again – and BERNICE packed off to heaven where she belongs.  

To read the first 10 pages of the play, click on INTO THE WILD BLUE YONDER, under “Pages” to the right…  – the Editor

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8 Responses to “NEW PLAYS”

  1. fishclamor Says:

    Carl, this sounds hilarious –I clearly have not read enough here!
    I …um….didn’t know what all the stuff on the right hand side of your blog page was–nor what treasures of funny plays starring old people in love and lust one might find here! Please forgive my cluelessness… I only found it because I just happened upon an old email with your instructions. Please tell me how to read the whole plays??


  2. fish clamor Says:

    so yes i went, like three seconds ago when it was still july and grabbed and read some of your now classic literature to own in my electronic library! I really love ollie’s day out, which i was finally able to finish after having lost the second half of it after i printed it all out in 2009! So carl this is I say from the heart: don’t quit the drama for too long. you are too dramatic a human being to deny the world the delightful and optimistic commentary you make on human nature, via your hilarious and exaggerated-for-the-stage characters, appearance and action. I love how often you allow the pathetically-aged, like us, to fall in love. Bravo!

    [3 pages later]

    maybe i should write you an email with the contents of the three pages i just cut! stand by!.

  3. schn00dles Says:

    Sure, Ms. Fish. Send me a little something… I’ll add and alter, send it back… you add and alter… somewhere along the line we’ll stop and send it off. 🙂

    • fish clamor Says:

      Yay! Ok let me see what I’ve got funny going on…thank you carl as always for your support over the years. It has been surprisingly inspiring. I just finished a poem, the late bed, that took i guess fifteen years to finish which is where the whole fishclamor thing came from (aside from the fish standing in ladder lines in the columbia!)

      So #am-about-to-submit. Do you want to read it and let me know if you know a great market for it? Appreciated yr sun rec and subscribed to it too. Thank you! Never knew quite what to send them but could totally see the relevance and like what they do.

      Finished actually a bunch of stuff to go with the late bed you know so you have at least three and plenty that doesn’t go with it too in an accidental creative burst inspired by my husband’s generous and most charitable faith in me as evidenced by the gorgeous 8×8 built-ins as well as the art and stuff he surprised me with in my office which had become a junk room. When the paint dries by tomorrow, (maybe someone should keep an eye on it?), i can load up my prized 1936 OED on the shelves and get to work in a damn serious office. With beautiful blue walls behind the crisp white shelves and shelves….!!!

      Anyway christmas you?

      Re sketch, oh i write you about it later!

      Sorry so chatty today. Please send all yr news!

  4. schn00dles Says:

    Don’t have much market knowledge Ms. Fish, but I’d enjoy reading it. 🙂

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