Seattle Celebrity News!

Noted Local Fashion Photographer is Switching to

INSECTS!

Regular Models and Actors are Getting to be a “Pain in the Ass”, he says.

 

 Editor:  The Seattle Fashion Community is all abuzz after the recent declaration by one of its leading photographers that he now intends to use insects and ‘bugs’ to replace human models and actors in his upcoming fashion shoots.  “Your average person knows that he or she can never hope to equal what a professional photographer can do with props, professional staging/make-up/lighting… and what we can’t do, that we accomplish with Photoshop.  Your average person is not made to feel better by looking at all these ads.  Quite the opposite!  We as professionals dedicate our days to making your average person  feel like a failure; like they can never measure up.  So, in part, it’s a moral decision,” he told The Seattle Celebrity News! during a recent interview.  “Plus they work for crumbs,” he added.  Read on to hear more:

Seattle Celebrity News! (SCN!):  So you feel that insects more objectify our present human state then?

Noted Local Fashion Photographer (NLFP):  That’s right.  They ARE the 99.999999999999999%

SCN!:  Can’t insects be hard to work with?

NLFP:  I’ve never had one talk back or refuse a task.  You treat them right and they’ll literally walk the extra mile for you.  And they don’t mind sharing a little of the rewards with the other workers in the industry.  Why, just as an example, we used a fairly non-descript, kind of an Everyman bug for a series of motivational posters I was creating for a large hedgefund, which operates out of Brussels.  Now this bug, I’ll call him “Bob”, lost one of his rear legs partway through the shoot.  Did he call Labor and Industries?  Was his agent and/or lawyer there and on my back in a nanosecond?  No.  He didn’t make a peep.  It was Continuity who picked up on it!  Said he had five more good legs, and that the other would grow back in time, anyways.  We wrapped that puppy without any further disruption.  The client was very happy with the result.  Bugs have that ‘can-do’, hive mentality which the clients appreciate.  They can’t tell you what it is, but I see it in the lens everyday.  It’s the authenticity.  ‘Bob’ is one of those guys who walks the walk.  But there are others.

SCN!:  What about modelling clothes, and such?

NLFP:  Well, they’ve got 6 legs, or more! you know.  That’s a lot of leg, and a lot of shoes.  Antennae are great to hang accessories on.  And, I’ve got to say, for some reason those Ladybugs just LOVE the little handbags.  In fact, they keep wandering away from the properties room.  I don’t know how they’re doing that…

SCN!:  Where do you find your talent?

NLFP:  More often than not they just wander in off the lot.  You wouldn’t believe the amount of real talent out there.  Of course, there’s always the stars.  The ones who have that certain something.

SCN!:  Could you give us some hints on some up-and-comers? 

NLFP:  Well, there’s this almost transparent green aphid who is really causing some buzz amongst the lighting people.  And then there’s my personal favorite: this Ladybug I call Emily.  But that’s as far as I want to say at this time.

SCN!:  Well, might we talk to you again, sometime?

NLFP:  Sure.  Drop by in 3 or 4 months and I think you’ll be amazed.

SCN!:  I’ll bring my reading glasses.

NLFP:  Good choice.

While we were there, one of the newer talents was positioning herself for a screentest.

SCN! photos by Carl Nelson

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