Posts Tagged ‘paranoid Schizophrenic’

Work, work, work… with Rita Andreeva

September 11, 2011

Police are Called!

furthest adventure in the Near-Room

Photo Taken Out of Context / Professional Actor

“The night before last J.B. called 911 at about 3:30 – 4 in the morning, he took his laptop and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. I was woken up by loud talking and the light from the bathroom. (Just to remind you – I live in the near-room now and rent the real room.) So I poked my head from behind the curtain to see what all the commotion was about and saw J.B. standing in the bathroom with the door wide open talking shit about me on the phone to someone. I yelled at him, “What do you think you’re doing! Cut the crap!” He looked at me with hatred and continued into the phone, “…Of course, she’ll deny all of this, she is a very good actress…” I realized that I couldn’t do a damn thing about him, he was just going to have to rant it out, whatever it was. I went back to bed, put on my earphones and the cloth across my eyes and tried to ignore J.B. A few minutes there was a loud knocking on the door. J.B. opened the door and let in 2 policemen and one policewoman in. I came out of the near-room in my skimpy pajamas. The policewoman took me out in the hallway in my skimpy pajamas (tiny pink shorts and a tank top, no bra) and started explaining that J.R. called 911 because there was blood in the bathtub. I stared at her in disbelief, “And you came out because of that! Gees! I have a period, so there might have been a drop of blood in the bathtub I missed.” She nodded, “Yes, I understand, but he was saying you were threatening him…” I listened to J.R. raising his voice inside the apartment, “You should arrest her! She is evil! She left the blood there on purpose!” I giggled. The policeman came out, “This isn’t funny!” Two black elderly people wobbled across the hallway to their apartment, looking at us over the shoulder. I waved to them and smiled. The policewoman with bushy black mustache went inside the apartment and exclaimed, “Wow! Look at what’s in the chair!” Everyone turned to her. “What is it now?” I asked wearily. “It’s a huge cat! Just look at that huge cat!” I sighed in relief, “Yeah, that’s my kitty.” One of the policemen went to look and said, “That’s the biggest cat I’ve ever seen!” The other policeman, the one who didn’t think I should have giggled, with a shaved head and a neck and a mean look in his eyes, never bothered to look at the huge cat. He had no time for that – all business and no play. He proceeded to tell me, “Your roommate maybe crazy, but he has rights. You should clean up after yourself and not make him upset, because the next time we come out, one of you is going to jail…” I looked at him defiantly, “Are you threatening me! You have no right, I didn’t do anything, you got me out of bed in the middle of the night!” He softened his manner slightly, “I did tell him that he should find another place to live, but he doesn’t legally have to, so I’m only saying, be careful with him, don’t say anything that could be threatening…”
After the police left I was furious, so I immediately went to my computer and disconnected the wireless router and locked it in a safe. If that jerk is going to call 911 because of a dirty bathroom drain in the middle of the night every night, I’d be damned if he is using my internet anymore.
That must have done it, because he gathered his stuff and left after he woke up sometimes in late afternoon. I was out, I went for a long walk, so I was deliriously happy to come home and to find the big bedroom empty and the keys on the table. Yahoo! Freedom, probably short-lived, but sweet!
Sorry, Jewish people, you missed your chance to pay me to spy on J.B.”  – Rita

Photo by Carl Nelson

Work, work, work… with Rita Andreeva

September 11, 2011

Further Adventures in the Near-Room

Some Tenants Just Have to Go

Editor’s Note: The further adventures of our aging artist Rita, as she struggles to make ends meet in various ways, while continuing to work. If you would like to read some of Rita’s plays, just click on the Rita’s Plays link to the right. They are every bit as eventful as her life.

“My current roommate J.B. is a paranoid schizophrenic. He believes that there is a Jewish conspiracy to take over the world.
The other day I came home and he said that someone opened a little cover on the back of his computer to try to get to the hard drive. For some reason the cover wasn’t put back neatly. J.B. immediately assumed that I did that. He said, “It would make perfect sense, that you would accept a $500 payment from the Jews to let them inside the apartment to mess with my computer while I was in the shower!” You see, he takes his laptop with him when he goes out, and when he sleeps, he locks the door from the inside, so the only time someone could have messed with his computer is when he was in the shower, which happens at about 3 am. Now he takes his laptop into the bathroom when he goes to take a shower.
Hey, if anyone knows any Jews who’d pay $500 to spy on my roommate, please let me know! I wasn’t aware there was that much money in it. He says he has a lot of information about how Jews caused 911. I asked him, “Didn’t you get all that ‘information’ off internet?” He said, “Yes, but…” And I said, “So you know nothing, in other words, other than what everyone has access to…” But he kept insisting that Jews would still want to get to his computer, if anything, because they hate him and want him to eat shit and die.

 

Anyway, I gave J.B. a 2-week notice, at which he went into a tirade that he is going to sue me for a million, because I was spying on him, and that 2-week notice isn’t legal, that it has to be a month’s notice, and that he wants to see my bank statements to see if there is a payment from the Jews… The thing is, the notice is up to the day that he paid. Then I added that in case he needs an extension he can pay me $20 per day in cash after that date. To which he threatened to sue again, because how dare I ask for more money. So I said, “It’s more money to compensate me for all this drama dealing with you,” and, “Seriously, you think I’m a spy and a mean person, so why on earth would you want to live here?”
He said, “I don’t, but I have a problem finding a place…”
Obviously, anywhere he goes people want to kick him out after a short time.

 

Hello, any Jews out there who want to spy on my roommate for $500? Please let me know.”  – Rita

Photo by Carl Nelson

 


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