Posts Tagged ‘tour bus’

Quantum Traveler

August 3, 2013

In a rare meeting of entangled particles, quantum particle ‘Gary’ (right) announces a ‘quantum’ upgrade.

Quantum Upgrade Announced

In a surprise move, entangled quantum particle ‘Gary’ announced a quantum upgrade following a rare meeting with his entangled twin, ‘Larry’.   Apparently finding their lower energy field bus confining and dated, entangled particle Gary and his wife began purchase of a newer Premium ‘Provost’  Field Bus to be built from scratch in Quebec, Canada and delivered during a power surge in March of 2014.  The announcement, made August 3rd, included these specifications:

New bus2

“From scratch. They start with stainless tubing. There will be 10 to 15 people working on it every work day from now to delivery. It is quite a project.

Here are a few of the features:
We moved the drivers seat back 3 inches. I could drive it with no movement. 3 inches means I will be adjusting it forward to get comfortable. Plus the tilts, even max tilt, does not hit the cabinets. You should see how high the seat adjusts. Active massage while driving. Air adjusted steering wheel telescope and tilt.You will need sunglasses to find your way through the bus when I turn up the lights.You remember that red, blue, green make a full color gamet? Well, we can program the lights under the bus, or on the interior ceiling to be any color. And to change from color to color. Selectable. On our computer control screen.

Yes, we have that home theatre trick.

We have his and hers headsets for the TV or stereo.

We have a Full Size California King bed.

We have a washer and dryer.

We have a cool engine (that tilts). I heard it. It is quieter. But it is not as quiet as a small car.

We have a pressure washer, with a special outlet in front to wash off bugs.

We have super accurate tank gauges.

We have so many heat sources we may be a fire hazard. 4 heat pumps, with electric grids, on top. Heated floor. 4 electric forced air heaters. 5 fuel fired hot water heaters inside the coach plus two fuel fired heaters in the water bays and the storage bays. 2 electric heaters in the bays. We have a block heater for the engine. Plus, it can be pre heated with the fuel fired heater.

We have 2 each, 4 kw inverters, that have three stage battery chargers. AND we have an independent 3 stage battery charger that runs off a 30 amp circuit.

We have a battery monitor.

Our coach can be run from anywhere by cellular phone from either of our telephones or our newer iPad. Turn up the heat, check temperatures, raise or lower the blinds, unlock the door, anything doable from our controller in the bus.

We have antilock brakes plus a stability enhancement system that can control engine power or braking on individual wheels to enhance stability.

We have an anti collision system that alerts and can automatically apply engine and chassis brakes.

We have lane change alerting radar and cameras covering blind spots.

Very stable large mirrors.

Great chairs and a wonderful couch.

A big (for a motorhome) kitchen.

Two slide outs. Big slide outs. 30 inch slide. 14 and 11 feet wide.

Two exhaust fans, one in the shower, one in the bathroom.

Extra large bathroom and extra large shower (that you can stand up in.)

Redundant, pulse width modulated, water pumps for full smooth water flow.

Awnings, 5 feet on slide side, 11 feet on curb side. Motion sensors instead of wind sensors for stowing. Electrically deployed. Out and down, not just out. Full bus length both sides. Curb side lit with LEDs. A 40 foot, dense, string. Lights up the campsite.

4 apron lights on the curb side. 2 apron lights on the drivers side. Back end lit for hooking up tow vehicle at night.

Lange change lights. When I turn on the turn signal, big lights illuminate the lane I am signaling for. Helps to see vehicles in the lane at night.

A marble floor.

Carbon Fiber tail light and head light bezels. (Actually fiberglass, but looks like carbon fiber)

An entry way with elegant carved blue night lighting (Marathon Coach logo) and carbon fiber painted steel hand rails for entry. This elegant entry is a Marathon Coach signature.

Custom, color matched, tool box.

Bay slides.

Automatic level. And stay level. Pumps to keep the air right.

Custom ramps for extreme leveling. Aluminum. Folding and stacking for compact storage. Strong enough for this bus. 18 inches wide.

Single track tires. 18 inches wide!

A Sub Zero refrigerator and freezer. With automatic lock.

A dishwasher.

A knife rack.

An ottoman.

13 foot ladder, collapsible.

Lights in bay doors, latches, interior of bays.

Temperature monitors in bays.

Cable chains and a place to put them. They are going to put special fenders on that won’t get damaged by the chains. Most customers of motorhomes never chain up.

Fuel tank insulated underneath and surrounded with heated bays, and the heated floor on top.

The full Prevost bus engine, transmission, lights, brakes etc. you have seen. This is a big deal.

The interior is to die for. Alice (and Alan, their interior designer) have outdone themselves.

The bed is wonderful. We get 3 sets of linens. 2 bed mattress pads, 2 duvets with 2 comforter weights.

This is the “Entertainer Chassis” designed for stable smooth ride. It has their longest wheel base and their lowest center of gravity. The single track tire is supposed to give a noticeably improved ride.

A built in vacuum.

50 inch front TV. 40 inch rear TV.

Power bar for all our electronic stuff. Power outlet next to the passenger (so the iPad doesn’t run down playing bridge).

A zoned stereo system from heaven.

We are going to purchase a new tow vehicle. 4WD.

Sirius/XM radio

Open face satellite TV, Dish Network. Local TV antenna. Cable hookup.

Apple TV. Apple AirPort Extreme WiFi connected to Sprint cellular receiver. (Only Sprint makes a fixed IP address available – which is needed to make the system connect to the on board computer.”

At press time, entangled quantum particle ‘Larry’ was on vacation from his retirement and could not be reached directly.  But through his representative he could be quoted only to have said that he found “the knife rack to be a little excessive.”
Photos by Carl Nelson and Unknown

Murders in Progress by Eldon Cene

April 19, 2013


The Kimmel County Tour of Very, Very Violent Crimes

(Episode 41)

 When Merle and Leland arrived at the Weed’s place, Bobby Spencer’s  Kimmel County Tour of Very, Very Violent Crimes  bus  – the sign for which covered one side of the old motor coach in bright red cursive letters – was just finishing up it’s highlight attraction “Lunch at the Shoot Out!”,  featuring ‘Chicken and Bisquits just as Harriet Weeds Fixed ‘em’.   The tourists were wiping the crumbs from their faces with their paper napkins and commenting upon Harriet Weed’s posthumous farmhand lunch spread, while their kids were running around poking the cows with sticks.

“You want to waltz in?  There’s bound to be something left – potato salad, a drumstick or a thigh.”  Merle tossed his head.

Leland indicated that they’d best park in the shade behind some trees until the tour had run its course.  So they watched Bobby speak a little to the crowd before the tourists in their hats and plastic bags of collectibles rose up from their seats and filed in a fairly neat line through the front door for a tour of the farmhouse.  Bobby was wearing the official tour cap and t shirt, as were all of the other school chums Bobby had hired to put out the meal, and then gather up the leftovers and clear the tables.  And it appeared to Leland that Bobby had hired old Jerry Gillis to drive the bus.  He had a greasy grey pony tail, a few days growth of grey stubble and wore a dirty black cap advertising Skoal.  Leland had a good idea it was that girl reporter, his daughter Nancy Gillis, who had talked Bobby into that.  Leland hoped Jerry was sober, and straight.  The Gillis girl must be trying to raise the whole family, Leland figured.

When the crowd was fully inside of the farmhouse, four figures walked out of the barn and began taking their positions around the yard.

In a while, the tourists exited the farmhouse, holding up their hands and squinting into the sun.  Bobby Spencer had switched to a loudspeaker and had quickly run around to the head up the crowd, in order to direct their movement.  The crowd saw the four figures carrying guns, and stopped, clustering where they were.

Then, Bobby began his spiel.  The other kids were Bob, Harriet, Agent Hailey and himself.  They were all dressed to resemble.  Leland figured Bobby must have recruited them from the drama club.  Someone had even written them out lines.   As Bobby stepped back, the little drama was played out.

When another girl, playing Nancy Gillis, broke from the crowd and ran forward snapping pictures, Leland began to get angry.  When the guns fired blanks, Leland’s breathing grew ragged and he broke into a sweat.

“You alright?”  Merlin asked.

“Yeah.  I’m fine,” Leland said quickly.  But he didn’t look so.

With two of them dead, Bobby Spencer turned dramatically and recreated events leading up to the confrontation.  He noted where each character stood, the weapon they had, the angle of the sun at the time of the shootout – even the number of bullets shot.   He punctuated this monologue  by showing them a couple dark crusty puddles which still stained the “thirsty soil”.

From what Leland remembered, all of that had been destroyed following the investigation.  But whatever.  Now there were splatters of something, marked off by yellow crime tape, which the tourists viewed reverentially.

It was 5 or 10 more minutes before Bobby Spencer had finished up his spiel and herded the crowd of tourists back onto the tour bus.  Then, after a count of heads, the tour bus lumbered away.

Merlin was about to drive forward, when Leland stayed his arm.

He nodded at where the actors and waiters were now gathering their things and boarding a small van.  After a while the small van lumbered away.  They sat for a while longer after, while Leland collected himself.  Then Leland nodded.  And Merlin drove the vehicle up into the yard where they parked.

Several minutes passed.  Then Merlin said, “You wanna get out?”

Leland nodded and stepped out into the bright sunlight.

After standing some, taking in the scene, Merlin naturally gravitated towards the barn and the animals, while Leland strode towards the house.

Photo by Carl Nelson

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